Goodbyes

I don't know what to title this post because it's going to be a lot of things. I don't want to give the impression that I've been really affected by my grandfather's passing away or that I've been moping around. I lived with him for almost half my life and there are warm memories for me to cherish. But that was a long time ago and like everyone, I can hardly remember my infant years. More than anything though, this is one of the times where I regret being an expatriate.

My paternal grandfather passed away on Thursday. I guess it came as a shock to all of us because it was my grandmother whose health had been ailing and doctors were warning us about. It seems like my grandpa was up early in the morning to use the bathroom and suffered from a massive heart attack. It wasn't until later when my grandma woke up and noticed he was gone that she went to check and called for help. Among other things that bothered me, I right now really wish I were in India. I wish I could've seen my grandpa a few more times. Of course I'll feel this way now that he is gone I guess? But more than anything, I wish I were there with my family right now. I miss the rituals, I miss the coming together of family members to say goodbye, I miss being able to cope with the empty feeling with others. Thousands of miles away here, besides being shocked, it's hard to come to terms with the fact that he is no longer on this Earth anymore. It may sound weird to people who have been to funerals, but I actually wish I were there for this one so I could confront the loss and try and cope with it among close ones who are going through the same feelings.