As many of you know, I will be graduating in less than two weeks with my Bachelors degree. And as some of you know, I feel like I'm more unsure now of what I want to do in life than I was two years ago. I feel like I've spent this whole semester trying to come to terms with that...trying to find the right inspiration to do work when I was not interested, trying to decide what I want to do during my year off when I wasn't getting any call-backs, and so on...
I feel like I still have so many interests that have remained unexplored over the past 4 years. One of which is policy, like working in the government. I've always been interested in policy...ever since I was a child, I dreamed of becoming the President of this country or the Prime Minister of that but did not really do much beyond that. For some reason, it always took the back seat. Like for example, in middle school, I had the option of being in the student council or an advanced math class but as they were at the same time, couldn't do both. And not surprisingly, you can guess which one I chose. I could've taken a political science class here in Berkeley, but apparently I could opt out of it with my AP credit. And because I changed my major and decided to do a minor only during my junior year, I had to take that offer. And so on and so forth, somehow, this interest of mine has always taken the back seat.
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret the path I've chose over the past 4 years. I have always been interested in health and helping people and my time at Berkeley not only helped me sort out how I want to pursue this field, but also helped me see how I don't want to (lab research is so not for me). So though I am happy about what I have accomplished, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there wasn't time to pursue all my interests.
As such, when it has now come time for me to decide what I want to do next, understandably, I have been very hesitant. I think I have complained to some of you how I can't see the end of the tunnel anymore, how I am not able to inspire myself to put in my best into school. Basically, it hasn't been a very heartfelt or passionate semester, I feel like I'm just breezing by on the surface. But after many politically driven movies (or maybe I'm just noticing the political undercurrents more?), and many you-tube videos, I have come to realize that it is okay to feel this way right now. It is frustrating how I now seem to be more undecided than I was a few years ago but that is probably because now I have to make a decision. But just because I can't seem to point a finger down any path and say "Yes, this is where I want to go" doesn't mean that I should just settle for any path. Coming from a traditional family, I think I just need extra time to accept this fact. And I think I finally have (mostly)...that it's okay to be unsure and that I shouldn't do something that I don't feel entirely confident about.
So with this sort of enlightenment, I think I am going to stop beating around the bush as to what I should do during my year off and take this time to explore that interest of mine which I have never given the opportunity to- public policy. And even if this means that I have to volunteer, yet again, then fine. But I am going to stop thinking about how this will fit into my future and what might enhance my application more...because honestly, I don't even know what that future looks like at this point. So I am going to do the best I can in these finals, because some of the classes I do like, and the rest, well, I need to do good in them for when I do apply to school. Because whatever I decide on doing, it most probably will involve some sort of graduate school and that means my grades matter. Though I don't really know what I am working towards, I know that doing good in these classes will help me at some point in my future. And so, I will work hard just to get good grades...however shallow that might sound. It's okay that I'm so unsure about these things now..because I'd rather it be now than half way through a career. So although I'm not as excited or as sure of myself as some of my graduating friends are...I'll figure it out...I will :)
