It's that time of the year again. When the excitement of coming back from India is wearing off, and I long to go back. For years, I've noticed that during and right after break is the time when I get really homesick for India. I don't know what it is- I've tried to pin point where these feelings come from but have never succeeded...
For one, I think during winter break is one of the few times of the year where in I have no set agenda and can relax. And as I come to terms with my mind, I just have more time to think about how I'm feeling and why. So maybe it's just that I am homesick throughout the year but am becoming aware of it only now?
Or is it that by the start of the Spring semester, I'm burned and just need a change of pace and place? In summer, I make it a point to do things non-school related so it serves as a nice break from the usual papers and midterms. I feel refreshed and energized to go back to school in the fall. But in winter break, I don't usually do something out of the ordinary. Just hang out at home and a lot of the times, search and decide what I'm going to be doing in the summer. So maybe I'm just not as refreshed by the time I go back to school in the Spring?
But what makes me specifically pine to go back to India as opposed to some other place? Since it is the one place we regularly go to every summer, maybe I equate vacation with India and hence think of each other interchangeably? Or is it the relatives whose constant attention and care I crave? Maybe it's constantly being the center of attention of a large family that is so different than my small one here that I miss?
Which really makes me wonder if this is just me or is this the story of every expatriate? On the one hand, I spend most of the year wanting to go back to India. But when I do go back, I am not able to stay for 3 months straight. I am at this point where I hesitate when someone asks me where my home is...will I ever be able to call a country home again? Can I ever be in one country without longing for another?
